Miss March

Directors: Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore
Starring: Zach Creggger, Trevor Moore, Raquel Alessi, Craig Robinson, Molly Stanton
Running Time: 90 min.
Rating: Unrated

★★★ (out of ★★★★)

With a 4.9 rating on the internet movie database and a 0% score on Rotten Tomatoes it's a pretty safe bet that the vulgar but frequently hilarious American Pie clone Miss March won't be showing up on many year-end top ten lists, nor are the performances likely to receive awards attention. But we knew that. Truthfully, this is a BAD movie and one I wouldn't even attempt to defend on any basis of technical merit. The writing, the directing and acting is all pretty average at best and bad at worst. Only it's bad in the most fun way possible and with all the movies I see it's kind of a relief to know that at least I haven't completely lost the ability to check my brain at the door and enjoy garbage. Sure, my IQ may have dropped a couple of hundred points when it ended, but damn if it didn't feel good.

After this I'm starting to think that maybe after this and Crank 2 I should just watch and review trash. It's definitely of a lot more fun. There are times when you're in the mood for a fancy five-course meal at an expensive restaurant and others when you just feel like eating at McDonald's. This film is a Big Mac. It's terrible for you and loaded with empty calories, but if you're in the mood, nothing tastes better. Usually, I'd be surprised that a Direct-to-DVD release could be so entertaining, except, much to my shock, this had a short run in theaters a couple of months ago so a few people actually saw it. There's no need to over-analyze things. A movie like this is only made to make you laugh, and I'm only slightly ashamed I laughed my ass off throughout.

High school senior Eugene (Zach Cregger) is moments away from losing his virginity to longtime girlfriend Cindi (Raquel Alessi) when a drunken fall down the basement stairs causes him to slip into a coma. He awakens four years later partially paralyzed and unable to control his bowels (as we're graphically shown). His goofy best friend Tucker (Trevor Moore) was the only one who stayed by his side as his parents abandoned him and Cindi disappeared. It isn't long before Tucker makes the shocking discovery that Cindi is now a Playboy centerfold, news that horrifies the prudish Eugene who hilariously used to host assemblies with her to scare kids away from sex. From a very early age, the two friends have always had wildly differing outlooks on sex, as we're shown in a really clever opening flashback scene. After a crazy accident involving strobe lights, oral sex, epilepsy and a stripper pole (don't ask), Tucker is hunted by his psycho girlfriend, Candace (Molly Stanton) and a brigade of evil firefighters as he drags Eugene cross-country to reunite with Cindi at the famed Playboy Mansion.

From this point on the movie erupts into a Road Trip-style adventure peppered with a variety of bizarre and hilarious supporting players, specifically Trevor's celebrity rapper friend, Horsedick.mpeg ( a scene-stealing Craig Robinson from Pineapple Express and Zack and Miri Make a Porno) and a pair of horny Russian lesbians (Eve Mauro and Alexis Raben) they end up cheufering on their journey. It's somewhat surprising how much of the comedy hits the mark considering how dumb it all is. Chalk it up to good editing or comic timing but for whatever reason there was hardly a scene where I wasn't cracking up at the antics of these guys. Not every joke hits, but the majority do and the underrated premise of a high school virgin awaking from a coma to discover his girlfriend is a Playboy playmate, is trite, but effectively realized to its fullest potential.

Any way you look at it, the idea of firefighters (of all people) scheming and plotting to take these guys down, to the point where they're throwing axes at their car and hosing them down, is funny. Sorry, but it is. As are scenes when an atrophied Eugene, clad in a hospital gown, attempts to pump gas on a breezy night or when Trevor witnesses one of Horsedick's groupies have an unfortunate accident on his tour bus. Just when you think the story is running out of gas when they hit the Playboy mansion in the last act, Trevor gets a pep talk from a wooden (no pun intended) Hugh Hefner, and it's hilarious how he just completely misses the point of the entire story he's being told, choosing to instead to obsess over the wrong aspect of it as Hef looks on blankly. This is the kind of movie that makes fun of its own message and isn't afraid to fully surrender itself to how dumb it is, which is a relief in an era where most comedies feel the need to hold back and deliver a carefully choreographed sappy message that appeals to both genders. This thankfully didn't succumb to that pressure.

From what I've heard, Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore star on a sketch cable comedy show called "The Whitest Kids U Know." I've never seen it and I'm sure whatever channel it's on I don't get it, but based on their work here I'd definitely check out the show and wouldn't mind seeing them in another big screen outing. The more charismatic than expected Cregger plays a good straight man to Moore, who is very obviously mimicking Jim Carrey, circa his Ace Ventura days. Ironically he actually plays a slightly less annoying Ace Ventura than Carrey did. Moore invokes the actor so well in both appearance and mannerisms that Carrey should expect to receive residual checks from this in the mail for the next few years. As Cindi, Alessi (Eva Mendes' younger counterpart in Ghost Rider) isn't given the opportunity to do much as the title character but makes the most of what limited screen time she has.

That Cregger and Moore (who are only in their twenties despite looking 35 and playing high school kids) managed to competently write, direct and star in a comedy that's consistently funnier than most of the stuff out there these days is pretty impressive and praise-worthy. Sure, it's bad but it's not THAT BAD. How do I know? Because it takes skill to make a good bad movie. That's why you don't see many doing it. It's better than it got credit for and deserved a bigger audience. This bathroom humor isn't for everyone and I completely understand why some would despise it but but doing so on the basis that it's too offensive or tasteless is silly. Film snobbery is a crime. Miss March may be dumb but it's still smart enough not to pretend to be any more than what it is. At least it'll hold me over until I watch Road Trip: Beer Pong.

John Hughes (1950-2009)

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
-Ferris Bueller

When the news broke a few days ago that filmmaker John Hughes shockingly passed away from a heart attack, it felt like a piece of everyone's childhood and adolescence went with him. This isn't a tribute because the fact is that there are other people out there for which his films defined their experiences growing up more than they did I. They were teenagers during Hughes' peak years so his movies should belong to them first and foremost. For a true tribute you should READ THIS PIECE instead, which I accidentally came across and has since been making the rounds all over the place. It's one of the most moving remembrances I've ever come across for anyone we've lost (and there's been way too many). Hopefully you check it out... then pass it along.

That correspondence is special in hinting that we may have been exactly right about who we thought John Hughes the person was, which softens the blow a little bit and can make us feel better knowing that he knew the impact he made. He was our best friend, just as we suspected. Other filmmakers who have won far more awards and received greater critical acclaim, would cut off their right leg to be able to say that they made a film that's even half as loved by the public as The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, Some Kind of Wonderful, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Weird Science, National Lampoon's Vacation or Home Alone. They can have their Oscars if they want them because it's Hughes' movies that are far more often mentioned when you ask anyone to name their all-time "favorites." It's his they still watch and enjoy repeatedly over twenty years later. And I have a feeling many are being re-watched this week. It's funny how we always have problems appreciating something until it's gone. His movies were always loved and respected but in these past couple of days doesn't it seem like we're only now starting to fully realize just how important they are? He's gone, but the legacy he left isn't going anywhere.

Hughes made films that you could put your arms around and hug, never shying away from the pain of growing up, but unafraid to celebrate it either, proudly wearing his heart and the hearts of many moviegoers on his sleeve and earning the right to. He just got it. When he chose to go in a more adult direction with Planes, Trains and Automobiles all of that magic was retained. A new Thanksgiving classic was born and each time I've seen it I'm amazed how a movie that's so hysterical can be just as moving at the same time. His movie are filled with moments like the one when we're given the revelation about John Candy's character that changes everything that came before.

It's safe to say without Hughes there may not have been a Judd Apatow, a Kevin Smith or a Wes Anderson. His influence can be felt in some way in every film they've made. Upon hearing the news he died you knew there would be a huge outpouring of affection because he was just that kind of filmmaker. He knew how to connect with an audience and create memorable characters in believable situations. In doing so he mirrored the experiences of those who came of age during that time...and even those who didn't. He understood that regardless of age we never really leave those years behind. Nor do we ever outgrow movies that provided the soundtrack to our lives. No one will forget about John Hughes.

Flashback: My #1 Film (1997)

★★★★★★★★★★All-Time Top 10★★★★★★★★★★

My movie watching life can be broken into two sections: "Pre-Game" and "Post-Game." Had I never seen it I wouldn't be reviewing movies today, or probably watching them that much at all. And you wouldn't be reading this right now. So, just how strong a year was it for film in 1997? Let's put it this way: The two movies The Game beat out for the top spot are ranked among my top ten all-time favorites.

I was a freshman in college when this film came out in September and when a group went to see it on opening night I missed out because of some ridiculous academic commitment I made earlier. I always regretted that and wondered what the atmosphere and reaction was in the theater when the big twist came at the end. Of course, as a home viewing experience its just as impactful, but I still haven't gotten over the wrong choice I made that night. On the bright side, I saved my manhood a little because no one was able to see I was fighting back tears by the end credits. There are some movies where it takes a couple of viewings to realize it's an all-time favorite. This isn't one of them. The second it concluded I thought it was one of the greatest motion pictures I'd ever seen. 12 years later the needle hasn't moved at all. I still feel the same exact way.

There are some days (okay, a lot of them) when I wish someone would give me the birthday present egocentric millionaire Nicholas Van Orton (a superb Michael Douglas) receives in David Fincher's master puzzlebox of a film. Sometimes I think I could sure use it and as crazy as this sounds whenever I'm feeling at my lowest this is the movie I always pop in. I find it inspiring and life affirming in a way most films that are intended to be aren't. It's a description you wouldn't normally associate with a dark Fincher thriller but helps explain why it carries such emotional power.

John Brancato and Michael Ferris' airtight script puts us through the wringer, making us speculate wildly on possible explanations and outcomes before the curtain is finally pulled back to reveal that, like the protagonist, we completely lost sight of the big picture. Fincher went on to become one of our most talented and respected filmmakers and after being critically drubbed and commercially ignored upon its release, The Game is now considered a classic in its genre. It always was to me. It's the only film in my Best of the Year series where I'm entitled to jump up and down and say "I told you so." There's maybe only one or two other movies I've seen in my life I feel as close to and while there are likely many more great films to come from Fincher, he won't be able to top this. No one will.

Other Contenders: The Ice Storm, Boogie Nights, Titanic, L.A. Confidential, Face/Off, Contact

My Top 5 Most Anticipated Films of 2009

As I was perusing the slate of upcoming films for 2009 it occurred to me that the line between anticipation and dread can be very thin. It's always possible that projects looking to be sure bets on paper could easily turn out to be disasters while others you wouldn't give the time of day to could end up being listed among the year's best. If you think about it all we really have to go on is a premise and the past history of the participants involved. That's it. Expectations are a funny thing. For proof of that look no further than The Dark Knight. A great film to be sure, but my expectations going in were for it to be FAR BEYOND great.

Nolan's film was one of the more exciting experiences at the movies in the past few years yet somehow it's still somewhat of a disappointment to me because I expected something even better. Is that unfair of me? Maybe, but it's the truth. With all the cards Nolan held I don't think I was being unreasonable in asking for perfection. And because I wouldn't rank it among my top 10 (or even 20 or 30) films of all-time it will always carry a stench of disappointment. That stench has subsided over repeated viewings but I bet it will never completely go away. We always bring our expectations (or lack of them) to every film we see and denying it would just be a lie.

This was originally supposed to be a top ten list but I honestly couldn't name ten films I'm greatly anticipating so I picked five. My top two choices shouldn't surprise anyone familiar with my tastes. There were some movies (such as Star Trek and G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra) I thought I was looking forward to but the more glimpses I saw of them the less enthusiastic I got. Not to say I'm dreading them, but my anticipation has waned considerably. Now I'm just finding myself curious to see whether they fail or not.

It's great when a movie you have no expectations for surprises you, but it's even better (and far rarer) when you have giant expectations and they're met. These are the five films I'm most looking forward to in '09:

5. Inglourious Basterds (Dir. Quentin Tarantino)-Yeah, I know. I see the argument that Tarantino should dump this B-movie tribute nonsense and try to make a legitimate masterpiece again. And yes Grindhouse does feel more underwhelming the further you move away from it, but here's the thing. With some filmmakers I really do question how much passion they have for making movies, often thinking they're in it for a quick buck and nothing else. Tarantino loves movies and its visible in every single frame of every film he's ever written or directed, no matter how it turned out. In fact, he might be the only director alive who loves movies TOO MUCH. He's so self-indulgent he often needs to reigned in, but that's not necessarily a criticism. You've gotta give it to the guy--at least he knows how to have a good time. This promises more of that.

I know little about Basterds other than it's a WWII epic starring Brad Pitt that involves killing Nazis and is a remake of a Spaghetti Western from the '70's. And that's pretty much all I need or want to know until the opening credits. Plus, haven't you always wanted to see Eli Roth in a dramatic role? (no need to answer) And Tarantino is actually releasing it as ONE SINGLE FILM for a change. It could very well be train wreck...and I kind of hope it is. (Release Date: August 21)

4. Funny People (Dir. Judd Apatow)- I wasn't sure whether to include this on my most or least anticipated list but just because I'm so incredibly curious to see how it turns out creatively I figured it belongs here. I've been complaining for a while now that some of Apatow's written, directed and/or produced films (most notably Knocked Up and Forgetting Sarah Marshall) have had serious problems balancing tone and incorporating dramatic elements and emotional pathos into what's supposed to be comedy. So what does he do? Casts Adam Sandler as a comic...WHO'S DYING.

That this film is supposed to be the most dramatic of any of Apatow's output scares me because that aspect hasn't exactly been his strong suit. He's a better writer than director but he's such a gifted, observant writer that I still can't help but think he has a great film somewhere in him. Not just a great comedy, but a truly great film. I'm always willing to see Sandler stretch even just a little and the presence of Seth Rogen (on the streak of his life lately) and the criminally underrated Leslie Mann are big positives. I just hope the Apatow who directed The 40-Year-Old Virgin decides to show up instead of the one who made Knocked Up. If this doesn't work it's at least guaranteed to be an intriguing failure, but if it does, the sky's the limit. (Release Date: July 31)

3. Where The Wild Things Are (Dir. Spike Jonze)- Anyone interested in seeing their childhood unfold in front of their eyes in under 3 minutes should watch the magical trailer for Spike Jonze's adaptation of the Maurice Sendak's classic children's novel. What jumped out at me most are how the creatures are depicted. They actually look like something out of a child's imagination rather than the usual CGI crap we're used to.

The images and tone of the trailer bring to mind such '80's family classics as The Dark Crystal and The Neverending Story, movies in this genre that actually meant something. We need to get back to that kind of storytelling and from the looks of it Jonze may have captured everything that made that book special for so many. It also looks like he wasn't afraid to flirt with the story's darker side because, let's face it, everything is scary when you're a kid. The only thing that 's a concern is that the trailer's so strong (one of the strongest I've seen in years) that it's possible Jonze just won't be able to deliver on it resulting in a giant mess of great ideas that just doesn't come together. I hope not. (Release Date: October 16)



2. (500) Days of Summer (Dir. Marc Webb)- Talk about expectations. It isn't often my interest in a film (especially a romantic comedy) rests primarily with who's starring in it but this is one of those rare, welcome exceptions. I worry if a movie screen can even contain the talent of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel at the same time, easily two of the best young actors working today.

As the title character I'm sure Zooey will be playing the ultimate dream girlfriend like only she can and it'll be very interesting to see JGL return to comedy after proving himself the real deal as a dramatic actor in a series of dark, torturous roles. This should be a nice break from that.

I still have my reservations with this though since I can't recall a single buzzed about film in this genre to come out of Sundance that wasn't either flat-out terrible or at least massively overpraised in some way. Being an indie festival favorite could almost be considered a curse nowadays. That it's being released by Fox Searchlight, the same studio that shoved Little Miss Sunshine, Juno and Slumdog Millionaire so far down our throats we were gagging, is also slightly worrisome to me. But that's a minor quibble at this stage. I still have to take a "wait and see" but the signs look promising. (Release Date: July 24)



1. The Box (Dir. Richard Kelly)- In 2001 Kelly directed Donnie Darko, one of the most daring, original films of this decade. Six years later he topped himself with Southland Tales. Luckily I won't have to wait that long this time. The Box, adapted from sci-fi legend Richard Matheson's short story (later adapted into a well known Twilight Zone episode) is the film that's supposed to help Kelly "recover" from the failure of Southland Tales, as if that's even necessary. As far as I'm concerned the only people who need to recover from it are audiences who unfairly dismissed it after only a single viewing.

The plot centers around a married couple (Cameron Diaz and James Marsden) who receive a box from a mysterious stranger (Langella!) who tells them each time they push a button they'll get a million dollars but simultaneously someone, somewhere will die. Kelly has stated this is his craziest and most personal film yet, scary to consider since his last one was made only for himself, me and maybe a couple of other people. It's also supposed to deviate heavily from the source material and incorporate NASA and, yes, time travel.

Believe it or not I'm a fan of Diaz and if pushed by the right director she's proven to be capable of great work (see Being John Malkovich, Vanilla Sky and In Her Shoes). If Kelly was able to get the performances he did out of that insane cast in his last film then wrangling one out of her should be a piece of cake. She usually thrives under bizarre circumstances like this and Marsden's been solid in any role he's had so we'll see. The release date has been shuffled around like crazy which isn't news since studios executives have already tried to sabotage his two previous films. This could be the first Halloween I don't rush out to see a Saw film.
(Release Date: October 30, 2009)

Other Films That Could Be Great: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Whatever Works, The Road, Moon, Taking Woodstock

Flashback: My #1 Film (1996)

Of the films I've selected as the year's best Fargo probably wouldn't rank among the top tier but it is one of the most important in that it shaped and influenced my view of film like no other. When I first saw it I felt as if I was being taken to school because I learned so much about movies from it. At that point I had never seen Raising Arizona or Barton Fink and had no idea who these Coen Brothers were. But I knew I had never seen anything like this.

I remember watching an episode of Siskel & Ebert where they both agreed Fargo was the best film of the year with no other movie standing a chance in topping it. And it was only March. Their passion convinced me to seek it out and like so many of these titles it took me a few viewings to completely warm up to it. Once I did there was no turning back. Dark comedy is mixed seamlessly with crime drama as the acting, cinematography and music (how was Burwell's score not nominated?) combined to create an unforgettable experience that's only enhanced with each watch.

Frances McDormand justifiably won the Best Actress Oscar and her police chief Marge Gunderson is one of our greatest, most likable film heroes because she's just like us. Only a little smarter. Her speech in the squad car at the end is so profound in its simplicity, making you wonder why all movie characters can't be written as sharply and have such a firm grasp on reality. Brilliant.

Other Contenders: The English Patient, Jerry Maguire

Flashback: My #1 Film: 1995

My selection for the best film of 1995, Terry Gilliam's dystopian nightmare, 12 Monkeys, also owns the distinction of being the worst theater experience I ever had. It was one of those screenings where exactly the wrong kind of crowd shows up for the movie you're watching and commits themselves to making it as miserable for everyone else as they can. It's a good thing this film can't be digested on a single viewing anyway.

I saw it again the following week and countless times after that in the years that followed. Did you know it's actually taught in schools? It's so difficult to make science fiction films that say something new, especially when they involve time travel. But Gilliam did it. The best performance of Bruce Willis' career, the first movie to convince the world that Brad Pitt is to be taken very seriously, a criminally underrated soundtrack and score and one of cinema's most haunting, cruelly ironic endings. A classic in every sense of the word, only in recent years getting the respect it always deserved.

Other Contenders: Leaving Las Vegas, Casino, Babe, The Usual Suspects, To Die For, Dead Man Walking, Before Sunrise, Se7en

Flashback: My #1 Film (1994)

This was a tough year. Three films of absolutely staggering quality were released and to the Academy's credit they nominated them all for the big prize. Ask me tomorrow I might change my mind and say Forrest Gump. Ask me the following day and I could say The Shawshank Redemption. What's really called for here is a 3-way tie but that's a cop-out. My choice for the year's best may seem obvious, but only in hindsight.

It didn't completely register for me the first time I saw it but then I discovered how repeated viewings can help shape your perception of a film. Frequently mimicked in tone and style but never equaled it's outlasted its competition and is one of the few Best Picture nominees to sit atop my year-end list. It's almost fitting that it lost to Gump. If ever there was a movie made for fans, not the Academy, it's this. Not to mention it boasts the greatest motion picture soundtrack of all-time. Tarantino's masterpiece: