Miss March

Directors: Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore
Starring: Zach Creggger, Trevor Moore, Raquel Alessi, Craig Robinson, Molly Stanton
Running Time: 90 min.
Rating: Unrated

★★★ (out of ★★★★)

With a 4.9 rating on the internet movie database and a 0% score on Rotten Tomatoes it's a pretty safe bet that the vulgar but frequently hilarious American Pie clone Miss March won't be showing up on many year-end top ten lists, nor are the performances likely to receive awards attention. But we knew that. Truthfully, this is a BAD movie and one I wouldn't even attempt to defend on any basis of technical merit. The writing, the directing and acting is all pretty average at best and bad at worst. Only it's bad in the most fun way possible and with all the movies I see it's kind of a relief to know that at least I haven't completely lost the ability to check my brain at the door and enjoy garbage. Sure, my IQ may have dropped a couple of hundred points when it ended, but damn if it didn't feel good.

After this I'm starting to think that maybe after this and Crank 2 I should just watch and review trash. It's definitely of a lot more fun. There are times when you're in the mood for a fancy five-course meal at an expensive restaurant and others when you just feel like eating at McDonald's. This film is a Big Mac. It's terrible for you and loaded with empty calories, but if you're in the mood, nothing tastes better. Usually, I'd be surprised that a Direct-to-DVD release could be so entertaining, except, much to my shock, this had a short run in theaters a couple of months ago so a few people actually saw it. There's no need to over-analyze things. A movie like this is only made to make you laugh, and I'm only slightly ashamed I laughed my ass off throughout.

High school senior Eugene (Zach Cregger) is moments away from losing his virginity to longtime girlfriend Cindi (Raquel Alessi) when a drunken fall down the basement stairs causes him to slip into a coma. He awakens four years later partially paralyzed and unable to control his bowels (as we're graphically shown). His goofy best friend Tucker (Trevor Moore) was the only one who stayed by his side as his parents abandoned him and Cindi disappeared. It isn't long before Tucker makes the shocking discovery that Cindi is now a Playboy centerfold, news that horrifies the prudish Eugene who hilariously used to host assemblies with her to scare kids away from sex. From a very early age, the two friends have always had wildly differing outlooks on sex, as we're shown in a really clever opening flashback scene. After a crazy accident involving strobe lights, oral sex, epilepsy and a stripper pole (don't ask), Tucker is hunted by his psycho girlfriend, Candace (Molly Stanton) and a brigade of evil firefighters as he drags Eugene cross-country to reunite with Cindi at the famed Playboy Mansion.

From this point on the movie erupts into a Road Trip-style adventure peppered with a variety of bizarre and hilarious supporting players, specifically Trevor's celebrity rapper friend, Horsedick.mpeg ( a scene-stealing Craig Robinson from Pineapple Express and Zack and Miri Make a Porno) and a pair of horny Russian lesbians (Eve Mauro and Alexis Raben) they end up cheufering on their journey. It's somewhat surprising how much of the comedy hits the mark considering how dumb it all is. Chalk it up to good editing or comic timing but for whatever reason there was hardly a scene where I wasn't cracking up at the antics of these guys. Not every joke hits, but the majority do and the underrated premise of a high school virgin awaking from a coma to discover his girlfriend is a Playboy playmate, is trite, but effectively realized to its fullest potential.

Any way you look at it, the idea of firefighters (of all people) scheming and plotting to take these guys down, to the point where they're throwing axes at their car and hosing them down, is funny. Sorry, but it is. As are scenes when an atrophied Eugene, clad in a hospital gown, attempts to pump gas on a breezy night or when Trevor witnesses one of Horsedick's groupies have an unfortunate accident on his tour bus. Just when you think the story is running out of gas when they hit the Playboy mansion in the last act, Trevor gets a pep talk from a wooden (no pun intended) Hugh Hefner, and it's hilarious how he just completely misses the point of the entire story he's being told, choosing to instead to obsess over the wrong aspect of it as Hef looks on blankly. This is the kind of movie that makes fun of its own message and isn't afraid to fully surrender itself to how dumb it is, which is a relief in an era where most comedies feel the need to hold back and deliver a carefully choreographed sappy message that appeals to both genders. This thankfully didn't succumb to that pressure.

From what I've heard, Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore star on a sketch cable comedy show called "The Whitest Kids U Know." I've never seen it and I'm sure whatever channel it's on I don't get it, but based on their work here I'd definitely check out the show and wouldn't mind seeing them in another big screen outing. The more charismatic than expected Cregger plays a good straight man to Moore, who is very obviously mimicking Jim Carrey, circa his Ace Ventura days. Ironically he actually plays a slightly less annoying Ace Ventura than Carrey did. Moore invokes the actor so well in both appearance and mannerisms that Carrey should expect to receive residual checks from this in the mail for the next few years. As Cindi, Alessi (Eva Mendes' younger counterpart in Ghost Rider) isn't given the opportunity to do much as the title character but makes the most of what limited screen time she has.

That Cregger and Moore (who are only in their twenties despite looking 35 and playing high school kids) managed to competently write, direct and star in a comedy that's consistently funnier than most of the stuff out there these days is pretty impressive and praise-worthy. Sure, it's bad but it's not THAT BAD. How do I know? Because it takes skill to make a good bad movie. That's why you don't see many doing it. It's better than it got credit for and deserved a bigger audience. This bathroom humor isn't for everyone and I completely understand why some would despise it but but doing so on the basis that it's too offensive or tasteless is silly. Film snobbery is a crime. Miss March may be dumb but it's still smart enough not to pretend to be any more than what it is. At least it'll hold me over until I watch Road Trip: Beer Pong.