Miss March

Directors: Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore
Starring: Zach Creggger, Trevor Moore, Raquel Alessi, Craig Robinson, Molly Stanton
Running Time: 90 min.
Rating: Unrated

★★★ (out of ★★★★)

With a 4.9 rating on the internet movie database and a 0% score on Rotten Tomatoes it's a pretty safe bet that the vulgar but frequently hilarious American Pie clone Miss March won't be showing up on many year-end top ten lists, nor are the performances likely to receive awards attention. But we knew that. Truthfully, this is a BAD movie and one I wouldn't even attempt to defend on any basis of technical merit. The writing, the directing and acting is all pretty average at best and bad at worst. Only it's bad in the most fun way possible and with all the movies I see it's kind of a relief to know that at least I haven't completely lost the ability to check my brain at the door and enjoy garbage. Sure, my IQ may have dropped a couple of hundred points when it ended, but damn if it didn't feel good.

After this I'm starting to think that maybe after this and Crank 2 I should just watch and review trash. It's definitely of a lot more fun. There are times when you're in the mood for a fancy five-course meal at an expensive restaurant and others when you just feel like eating at McDonald's. This film is a Big Mac. It's terrible for you and loaded with empty calories, but if you're in the mood, nothing tastes better. Usually, I'd be surprised that a Direct-to-DVD release could be so entertaining, except, much to my shock, this had a short run in theaters a couple of months ago so a few people actually saw it. There's no need to over-analyze things. A movie like this is only made to make you laugh, and I'm only slightly ashamed I laughed my ass off throughout.

High school senior Eugene (Zach Cregger) is moments away from losing his virginity to longtime girlfriend Cindi (Raquel Alessi) when a drunken fall down the basement stairs causes him to slip into a coma. He awakens four years later partially paralyzed and unable to control his bowels (as we're graphically shown). His goofy best friend Tucker (Trevor Moore) was the only one who stayed by his side as his parents abandoned him and Cindi disappeared. It isn't long before Tucker makes the shocking discovery that Cindi is now a Playboy centerfold, news that horrifies the prudish Eugene who hilariously used to host assemblies with her to scare kids away from sex. From a very early age, the two friends have always had wildly differing outlooks on sex, as we're shown in a really clever opening flashback scene. After a crazy accident involving strobe lights, oral sex, epilepsy and a stripper pole (don't ask), Tucker is hunted by his psycho girlfriend, Candace (Molly Stanton) and a brigade of evil firefighters as he drags Eugene cross-country to reunite with Cindi at the famed Playboy Mansion.

From this point on the movie erupts into a Road Trip-style adventure peppered with a variety of bizarre and hilarious supporting players, specifically Trevor's celebrity rapper friend, Horsedick.mpeg ( a scene-stealing Craig Robinson from Pineapple Express and Zack and Miri Make a Porno) and a pair of horny Russian lesbians (Eve Mauro and Alexis Raben) they end up cheufering on their journey. It's somewhat surprising how much of the comedy hits the mark considering how dumb it all is. Chalk it up to good editing or comic timing but for whatever reason there was hardly a scene where I wasn't cracking up at the antics of these guys. Not every joke hits, but the majority do and the underrated premise of a high school virgin awaking from a coma to discover his girlfriend is a Playboy playmate, is trite, but effectively realized to its fullest potential.

Any way you look at it, the idea of firefighters (of all people) scheming and plotting to take these guys down, to the point where they're throwing axes at their car and hosing them down, is funny. Sorry, but it is. As are scenes when an atrophied Eugene, clad in a hospital gown, attempts to pump gas on a breezy night or when Trevor witnesses one of Horsedick's groupies have an unfortunate accident on his tour bus. Just when you think the story is running out of gas when they hit the Playboy mansion in the last act, Trevor gets a pep talk from a wooden (no pun intended) Hugh Hefner, and it's hilarious how he just completely misses the point of the entire story he's being told, choosing to instead to obsess over the wrong aspect of it as Hef looks on blankly. This is the kind of movie that makes fun of its own message and isn't afraid to fully surrender itself to how dumb it is, which is a relief in an era where most comedies feel the need to hold back and deliver a carefully choreographed sappy message that appeals to both genders. This thankfully didn't succumb to that pressure.

From what I've heard, Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore star on a sketch cable comedy show called "The Whitest Kids U Know." I've never seen it and I'm sure whatever channel it's on I don't get it, but based on their work here I'd definitely check out the show and wouldn't mind seeing them in another big screen outing. The more charismatic than expected Cregger plays a good straight man to Moore, who is very obviously mimicking Jim Carrey, circa his Ace Ventura days. Ironically he actually plays a slightly less annoying Ace Ventura than Carrey did. Moore invokes the actor so well in both appearance and mannerisms that Carrey should expect to receive residual checks from this in the mail for the next few years. As Cindi, Alessi (Eva Mendes' younger counterpart in Ghost Rider) isn't given the opportunity to do much as the title character but makes the most of what limited screen time she has.

That Cregger and Moore (who are only in their twenties despite looking 35 and playing high school kids) managed to competently write, direct and star in a comedy that's consistently funnier than most of the stuff out there these days is pretty impressive and praise-worthy. Sure, it's bad but it's not THAT BAD. How do I know? Because it takes skill to make a good bad movie. That's why you don't see many doing it. It's better than it got credit for and deserved a bigger audience. This bathroom humor isn't for everyone and I completely understand why some would despise it but but doing so on the basis that it's too offensive or tasteless is silly. Film snobbery is a crime. Miss March may be dumb but it's still smart enough not to pretend to be any more than what it is. At least it'll hold me over until I watch Road Trip: Beer Pong.

John Hughes (1950-2009)

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
-Ferris Bueller

When the news broke a few days ago that filmmaker John Hughes shockingly passed away from a heart attack, it felt like a piece of everyone's childhood and adolescence went with him. This isn't a tribute because the fact is that there are other people out there for which his films defined their experiences growing up more than they did I. They were teenagers during Hughes' peak years so his movies should belong to them first and foremost. For a true tribute you should READ THIS PIECE instead, which I accidentally came across and has since been making the rounds all over the place. It's one of the most moving remembrances I've ever come across for anyone we've lost (and there's been way too many). Hopefully you check it out... then pass it along.

That correspondence is special in hinting that we may have been exactly right about who we thought John Hughes the person was, which softens the blow a little bit and can make us feel better knowing that he knew the impact he made. He was our best friend, just as we suspected. Other filmmakers who have won far more awards and received greater critical acclaim, would cut off their right leg to be able to say that they made a film that's even half as loved by the public as The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, Some Kind of Wonderful, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Weird Science, National Lampoon's Vacation or Home Alone. They can have their Oscars if they want them because it's Hughes' movies that are far more often mentioned when you ask anyone to name their all-time "favorites." It's his they still watch and enjoy repeatedly over twenty years later. And I have a feeling many are being re-watched this week. It's funny how we always have problems appreciating something until it's gone. His movies were always loved and respected but in these past couple of days doesn't it seem like we're only now starting to fully realize just how important they are? He's gone, but the legacy he left isn't going anywhere.

Hughes made films that you could put your arms around and hug, never shying away from the pain of growing up, but unafraid to celebrate it either, proudly wearing his heart and the hearts of many moviegoers on his sleeve and earning the right to. He just got it. When he chose to go in a more adult direction with Planes, Trains and Automobiles all of that magic was retained. A new Thanksgiving classic was born and each time I've seen it I'm amazed how a movie that's so hysterical can be just as moving at the same time. His movie are filled with moments like the one when we're given the revelation about John Candy's character that changes everything that came before.

It's safe to say without Hughes there may not have been a Judd Apatow, a Kevin Smith or a Wes Anderson. His influence can be felt in some way in every film they've made. Upon hearing the news he died you knew there would be a huge outpouring of affection because he was just that kind of filmmaker. He knew how to connect with an audience and create memorable characters in believable situations. In doing so he mirrored the experiences of those who came of age during that time...and even those who didn't. He understood that regardless of age we never really leave those years behind. Nor do we ever outgrow movies that provided the soundtrack to our lives. No one will forget about John Hughes.

Flashback: My #1 Film (1997)

★★★★★★★★★★All-Time Top 10★★★★★★★★★★

My movie watching life can be broken into two sections: "Pre-Game" and "Post-Game." Had I never seen it I wouldn't be reviewing movies today, or probably watching them that much at all. And you wouldn't be reading this right now. So, just how strong a year was it for film in 1997? Let's put it this way: The two movies The Game beat out for the top spot are ranked among my top ten all-time favorites.

I was a freshman in college when this film came out in September and when a group went to see it on opening night I missed out because of some ridiculous academic commitment I made earlier. I always regretted that and wondered what the atmosphere and reaction was in the theater when the big twist came at the end. Of course, as a home viewing experience its just as impactful, but I still haven't gotten over the wrong choice I made that night. On the bright side, I saved my manhood a little because no one was able to see I was fighting back tears by the end credits. There are some movies where it takes a couple of viewings to realize it's an all-time favorite. This isn't one of them. The second it concluded I thought it was one of the greatest motion pictures I'd ever seen. 12 years later the needle hasn't moved at all. I still feel the same exact way.

There are some days (okay, a lot of them) when I wish someone would give me the birthday present egocentric millionaire Nicholas Van Orton (a superb Michael Douglas) receives in David Fincher's master puzzlebox of a film. Sometimes I think I could sure use it and as crazy as this sounds whenever I'm feeling at my lowest this is the movie I always pop in. I find it inspiring and life affirming in a way most films that are intended to be aren't. It's a description you wouldn't normally associate with a dark Fincher thriller but helps explain why it carries such emotional power.

John Brancato and Michael Ferris' airtight script puts us through the wringer, making us speculate wildly on possible explanations and outcomes before the curtain is finally pulled back to reveal that, like the protagonist, we completely lost sight of the big picture. Fincher went on to become one of our most talented and respected filmmakers and after being critically drubbed and commercially ignored upon its release, The Game is now considered a classic in its genre. It always was to me. It's the only film in my Best of the Year series where I'm entitled to jump up and down and say "I told you so." There's maybe only one or two other movies I've seen in my life I feel as close to and while there are likely many more great films to come from Fincher, he won't be able to top this. No one will.

Other Contenders: The Ice Storm, Boogie Nights, Titanic, L.A. Confidential, Face/Off, Contact

My Top 5 Most Anticipated Films of 2009

As I was perusing the slate of upcoming films for 2009 it occurred to me that the line between anticipation and dread can be very thin. It's always possible that projects looking to be sure bets on paper could easily turn out to be disasters while others you wouldn't give the time of day to could end up being listed among the year's best. If you think about it all we really have to go on is a premise and the past history of the participants involved. That's it. Expectations are a funny thing. For proof of that look no further than The Dark Knight. A great film to be sure, but my expectations going in were for it to be FAR BEYOND great.

Nolan's film was one of the more exciting experiences at the movies in the past few years yet somehow it's still somewhat of a disappointment to me because I expected something even better. Is that unfair of me? Maybe, but it's the truth. With all the cards Nolan held I don't think I was being unreasonable in asking for perfection. And because I wouldn't rank it among my top 10 (or even 20 or 30) films of all-time it will always carry a stench of disappointment. That stench has subsided over repeated viewings but I bet it will never completely go away. We always bring our expectations (or lack of them) to every film we see and denying it would just be a lie.

This was originally supposed to be a top ten list but I honestly couldn't name ten films I'm greatly anticipating so I picked five. My top two choices shouldn't surprise anyone familiar with my tastes. There were some movies (such as Star Trek and G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra) I thought I was looking forward to but the more glimpses I saw of them the less enthusiastic I got. Not to say I'm dreading them, but my anticipation has waned considerably. Now I'm just finding myself curious to see whether they fail or not.

It's great when a movie you have no expectations for surprises you, but it's even better (and far rarer) when you have giant expectations and they're met. These are the five films I'm most looking forward to in '09:

5. Inglourious Basterds (Dir. Quentin Tarantino)-Yeah, I know. I see the argument that Tarantino should dump this B-movie tribute nonsense and try to make a legitimate masterpiece again. And yes Grindhouse does feel more underwhelming the further you move away from it, but here's the thing. With some filmmakers I really do question how much passion they have for making movies, often thinking they're in it for a quick buck and nothing else. Tarantino loves movies and its visible in every single frame of every film he's ever written or directed, no matter how it turned out. In fact, he might be the only director alive who loves movies TOO MUCH. He's so self-indulgent he often needs to reigned in, but that's not necessarily a criticism. You've gotta give it to the guy--at least he knows how to have a good time. This promises more of that.

I know little about Basterds other than it's a WWII epic starring Brad Pitt that involves killing Nazis and is a remake of a Spaghetti Western from the '70's. And that's pretty much all I need or want to know until the opening credits. Plus, haven't you always wanted to see Eli Roth in a dramatic role? (no need to answer) And Tarantino is actually releasing it as ONE SINGLE FILM for a change. It could very well be train wreck...and I kind of hope it is. (Release Date: August 21)

4. Funny People (Dir. Judd Apatow)- I wasn't sure whether to include this on my most or least anticipated list but just because I'm so incredibly curious to see how it turns out creatively I figured it belongs here. I've been complaining for a while now that some of Apatow's written, directed and/or produced films (most notably Knocked Up and Forgetting Sarah Marshall) have had serious problems balancing tone and incorporating dramatic elements and emotional pathos into what's supposed to be comedy. So what does he do? Casts Adam Sandler as a comic...WHO'S DYING.

That this film is supposed to be the most dramatic of any of Apatow's output scares me because that aspect hasn't exactly been his strong suit. He's a better writer than director but he's such a gifted, observant writer that I still can't help but think he has a great film somewhere in him. Not just a great comedy, but a truly great film. I'm always willing to see Sandler stretch even just a little and the presence of Seth Rogen (on the streak of his life lately) and the criminally underrated Leslie Mann are big positives. I just hope the Apatow who directed The 40-Year-Old Virgin decides to show up instead of the one who made Knocked Up. If this doesn't work it's at least guaranteed to be an intriguing failure, but if it does, the sky's the limit. (Release Date: July 31)

3. Where The Wild Things Are (Dir. Spike Jonze)- Anyone interested in seeing their childhood unfold in front of their eyes in under 3 minutes should watch the magical trailer for Spike Jonze's adaptation of the Maurice Sendak's classic children's novel. What jumped out at me most are how the creatures are depicted. They actually look like something out of a child's imagination rather than the usual CGI crap we're used to.

The images and tone of the trailer bring to mind such '80's family classics as The Dark Crystal and The Neverending Story, movies in this genre that actually meant something. We need to get back to that kind of storytelling and from the looks of it Jonze may have captured everything that made that book special for so many. It also looks like he wasn't afraid to flirt with the story's darker side because, let's face it, everything is scary when you're a kid. The only thing that 's a concern is that the trailer's so strong (one of the strongest I've seen in years) that it's possible Jonze just won't be able to deliver on it resulting in a giant mess of great ideas that just doesn't come together. I hope not. (Release Date: October 16)



2. (500) Days of Summer (Dir. Marc Webb)- Talk about expectations. It isn't often my interest in a film (especially a romantic comedy) rests primarily with who's starring in it but this is one of those rare, welcome exceptions. I worry if a movie screen can even contain the talent of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel at the same time, easily two of the best young actors working today.

As the title character I'm sure Zooey will be playing the ultimate dream girlfriend like only she can and it'll be very interesting to see JGL return to comedy after proving himself the real deal as a dramatic actor in a series of dark, torturous roles. This should be a nice break from that.

I still have my reservations with this though since I can't recall a single buzzed about film in this genre to come out of Sundance that wasn't either flat-out terrible or at least massively overpraised in some way. Being an indie festival favorite could almost be considered a curse nowadays. That it's being released by Fox Searchlight, the same studio that shoved Little Miss Sunshine, Juno and Slumdog Millionaire so far down our throats we were gagging, is also slightly worrisome to me. But that's a minor quibble at this stage. I still have to take a "wait and see" but the signs look promising. (Release Date: July 24)



1. The Box (Dir. Richard Kelly)- In 2001 Kelly directed Donnie Darko, one of the most daring, original films of this decade. Six years later he topped himself with Southland Tales. Luckily I won't have to wait that long this time. The Box, adapted from sci-fi legend Richard Matheson's short story (later adapted into a well known Twilight Zone episode) is the film that's supposed to help Kelly "recover" from the failure of Southland Tales, as if that's even necessary. As far as I'm concerned the only people who need to recover from it are audiences who unfairly dismissed it after only a single viewing.

The plot centers around a married couple (Cameron Diaz and James Marsden) who receive a box from a mysterious stranger (Langella!) who tells them each time they push a button they'll get a million dollars but simultaneously someone, somewhere will die. Kelly has stated this is his craziest and most personal film yet, scary to consider since his last one was made only for himself, me and maybe a couple of other people. It's also supposed to deviate heavily from the source material and incorporate NASA and, yes, time travel.

Believe it or not I'm a fan of Diaz and if pushed by the right director she's proven to be capable of great work (see Being John Malkovich, Vanilla Sky and In Her Shoes). If Kelly was able to get the performances he did out of that insane cast in his last film then wrangling one out of her should be a piece of cake. She usually thrives under bizarre circumstances like this and Marsden's been solid in any role he's had so we'll see. The release date has been shuffled around like crazy which isn't news since studios executives have already tried to sabotage his two previous films. This could be the first Halloween I don't rush out to see a Saw film.
(Release Date: October 30, 2009)

Other Films That Could Be Great: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Whatever Works, The Road, Moon, Taking Woodstock

Flashback: My #1 Film (1996)

Of the films I've selected as the year's best Fargo probably wouldn't rank among the top tier but it is one of the most important in that it shaped and influenced my view of film like no other. When I first saw it I felt as if I was being taken to school because I learned so much about movies from it. At that point I had never seen Raising Arizona or Barton Fink and had no idea who these Coen Brothers were. But I knew I had never seen anything like this.

I remember watching an episode of Siskel & Ebert where they both agreed Fargo was the best film of the year with no other movie standing a chance in topping it. And it was only March. Their passion convinced me to seek it out and like so many of these titles it took me a few viewings to completely warm up to it. Once I did there was no turning back. Dark comedy is mixed seamlessly with crime drama as the acting, cinematography and music (how was Burwell's score not nominated?) combined to create an unforgettable experience that's only enhanced with each watch.

Frances McDormand justifiably won the Best Actress Oscar and her police chief Marge Gunderson is one of our greatest, most likable film heroes because she's just like us. Only a little smarter. Her speech in the squad car at the end is so profound in its simplicity, making you wonder why all movie characters can't be written as sharply and have such a firm grasp on reality. Brilliant.

Other Contenders: The English Patient, Jerry Maguire

Flashback: My #1 Film: 1995

My selection for the best film of 1995, Terry Gilliam's dystopian nightmare, 12 Monkeys, also owns the distinction of being the worst theater experience I ever had. It was one of those screenings where exactly the wrong kind of crowd shows up for the movie you're watching and commits themselves to making it as miserable for everyone else as they can. It's a good thing this film can't be digested on a single viewing anyway.

I saw it again the following week and countless times after that in the years that followed. Did you know it's actually taught in schools? It's so difficult to make science fiction films that say something new, especially when they involve time travel. But Gilliam did it. The best performance of Bruce Willis' career, the first movie to convince the world that Brad Pitt is to be taken very seriously, a criminally underrated soundtrack and score and one of cinema's most haunting, cruelly ironic endings. A classic in every sense of the word, only in recent years getting the respect it always deserved.

Other Contenders: Leaving Las Vegas, Casino, Babe, The Usual Suspects, To Die For, Dead Man Walking, Before Sunrise, Se7en

Flashback: My #1 Film (1994)

This was a tough year. Three films of absolutely staggering quality were released and to the Academy's credit they nominated them all for the big prize. Ask me tomorrow I might change my mind and say Forrest Gump. Ask me the following day and I could say The Shawshank Redemption. What's really called for here is a 3-way tie but that's a cop-out. My choice for the year's best may seem obvious, but only in hindsight.

It didn't completely register for me the first time I saw it but then I discovered how repeated viewings can help shape your perception of a film. Frequently mimicked in tone and style but never equaled it's outlasted its competition and is one of the few Best Picture nominees to sit atop my year-end list. It's almost fitting that it lost to Gump. If ever there was a movie made for fans, not the Academy, it's this. Not to mention it boasts the greatest motion picture soundtrack of all-time. Tarantino's masterpiece:

Flashback: My #1 Film (1993)

With the unveiling of my choice for the Best Film of 2008 rapidly approaching (although unfortunately it's looking like it'll be next month instead of this one) I thought it might be fun to take a trip down memory lane and reveal some of my previous choices for the honor. Matt Damon recently made an interesting comment that he thinks Oscars should be handed out ten years after the contending films are released. He has a point and that's usually how I feel when it comes to naming a film the "best" of its year. It really can take that long to get an idea of its true staying power.

Some years I hadn't even made my mind up on yet and this forced me to do so (1994 was particularly tough as you could imagine). Plus, I'm always going back and discovering films I missed the year they were released. Since most of these picks pre-date the blogging era and I never really talked about them there are bound to be some surprises. Many of you will probably be scratching your heads asking, "He picked THAT?" But yes, I did.

At some point I may write in detail about some of these films, but for now I'm revealing the picks with their trailers. I started with 1993, the first year I can remember doing this. Just how long ago was it? Well, Kevin Costner was still a major star and making good films. This was a great one and for my money ranks as Eastwood's greatest.

Now THAT's How You End a TV Series

It's not often I feel the need or urge to comment on anything related to television. If I did it would probably be mostly to complain. There just isn't a lot of good stuff on these days and I could count on one hand the amount of unmissable shows. In case you hadn't heard, Thursday night they aired the final episode of E.R., ending its 15-year run. And here's where I give you the opening to insert your own personal "Who cares?" or "I stopped watching this show 10 years ago" comment. I'm not going to pretend I'm a big fan of the show either or that its best years weren't behind it, but any way you look at it 15 years is a long time. To fully put this in perspective, Bill Clinton was serving his first term in office when it premiered. That's pretty damn impressive.

I won't bore you with a long, detailed review of the finale even though the episode was anything BUT boring. I realize everyone stopped tuning in and caring years ago, even if the 17 million indicate a lot more people tuned in Thursday than are willing to admit it. I always found the idea of series finales fascinating. More specifically, the idea that a show can run for a number of years, run out of gas, then limp to the finish line because the writers and producers threw their hands up in the air and just gave up. For every M*A*S*H that finishes in a blaze of glory there seem to be ten The X-Files. It's as if they have no clue that the final episode will be the last thing viewers remember and a bad send-off can tarnish the legacy of its entire run.

In E.R.'s final season the producers proved that they do have a clue and that they cared. Here's hoping the other networks were watching and taking notes because they just taught a master class on how to end a series. Fan of the show or not, they pulled out all the stops and what they pulled off is commendable. The amount of detail and dedication they put into closing this out was astounding, and all this for a show that very few were watching anymore! I'm not sure whether he was inspired by the recent death of creator Michael Crichton or he just knows how to deliver under pressure but writer/producer John Wells clearly summoned up every ounce of creative strength he had to make sure the show went out on not just a high note, but the highest one.

For their part, NBC was smart enough to treat it like an important TV event in an age where important TV events are becoming scarce. It may not have been but the point is that it was treated as one and because of that it felt like one. Besides giving it a one-hour retrospective and 2-hour finale they went all out, balls-to-the-wall and brought back EVERY SINGLE MAJOR CHARACTER from the show's run. Noah Wyle, Eriq LaSalle, Julianna Margulies, Sherry Stringfield (who apparently hasn't aged a day), Laura Innes, Alex Kingston and Paul McCrane all returned to reprise their roles in the final season. Of course, the big joke here is "What else did they have to do?" but, hey, I'm just impressed the producers even thought to ask. See what happens when you TRY.

But wait....we're not done yet. They didn't stop there. They actually went out and brought back Clooney. I don't know whether to be more surprised they had the guts to ask or that accepted with supposedly very little hesitation. If this isn't enough, they even somehow found a way to work back in Anthony Edwards back into the show via flashback in a really clever, believable way despite the fact that his Dr. Greene passed away years ago. Yes, they even dragged corpses back for this. Even if you're not or have never been a regular viewer (which I admittedly haven't been) you have to applaud the lengths they went to here to give the dedicated fans a celebration to remember. Why can't this happen more often? Instead, producers sabotage their own shows to screw the networks and everyone loses.

All of these creative decisions already far exceed reasonable expectations for a departing show (even one this long-running), but they STILL weren't finished. Rather than distractingly jam all these characters into the final episode in a forced, cliched way like any other program would, they knew to spread the wealth, sprinkling the returning characters into various episodes throughout the last episodes in such a way that it didn't needlessly call attention to itself or feel like a gimmick. When they showed up it felt real and organic, rather than something manufactured to grab ratings. Nor did they give in to the temptation to use the bigger names in such a way that it would steal the thunder from any of the current cast members, potentially short-changing their story arcs. And at a time when NBC could have easily been planning a funeral this was finishing so strong they actually added 3 more additional episodes to the final season.

Throughout its run E.R. has been known for its frequent use of big name guest stars but for the finale they took a HUGE RISK by casting a fairly well-known but mostly untested actress (Alexis Bledel) against type and giving her an absolutely enormous role in the show's last 120 minutes on the air. It should have resulted in disaster but she came off like a pro and seemed so comfortable in the part you'd think she'd been a series regular for years. Of the reviews I've read of the episode and people I've talked to, all of them have universally praised Bledel's performance, unheard of considering guest stars are frowned upon in finales where we're so accustomed to the focus being on series regulars. But they're right. She hit it out of the park under tough circumstances.

There's always that tendency when a "name" guest stars on something like E.R. to say that they're slumming it but with Bledel and the 92 year-old (!) Ernest Borgnine (who will probably earn an Emmy nod for his work) it sure didn't feel like it. They actually raised the caliber of the episode and likely earned a few more fans and some respect in the process. But that's not what I liked most about the episode. Most impressive of all was that they knew that Noah Wyle's Dr. Carter should have be the focal point of the episode because he was the character and actor who meant the most to the show throughout its run and he was who all the action should revolve around. It wasn't that obvious a choice and I could easily envision a lesser writer missing it. He was there at the beginning and there at the very end, giving back and doing what was done for him in the pilot. Full Circle.

In a surprising stroke of genius, they even brought back a minor but important character that perfectly tied the legacy of the show together while simultaneously paying tribute the roots of the show. I couldn't believe they actually thought to do it and there were tons of little details in a similar vain. Even the last line uttered in the episode and final shot MEANT SOMETHING. Just the right amount of loose ends were tied up and enough left unresolved. And if I got chills from the final scene I could only imagine how the longtime, diehards reacted. I've talked to a couple of casual viewers who told me they thought the finale was so strong they've questioned NBC's decision to cancel it and think that it was fleshed out so well that there was an opening for a spin-off. There was this feeling that there could be a little more gas in the tank, but best end it now. And that's exactly how a final episode should leave you feeling if its done its job.

Like I said, I'm hardly a frequent follower of the show but I just had to pause and give NBC credit. They didn't have to do it and certainly gain little from a monetary standpoint considering the show was going off the air no matter what. They also could have easily showboated Clooney's appearance but didn't. This and their recent renewal of Friday Night Lights (enjoying a creative resurgence that's another blog topic in itself) for two more seasons gives me hope that these network executives may have brains after all.

Moving forward, what Wells did could act as a blueprint for other shows drawing to a close. For a while I've thought about making a list of the best series finales and it would be interesting to see where this would show up on it. The general consensus seems to be that it was good, but that's it. I couldn't disagree more. Everyone has been shortchanging how hard this was to pull off. It's really tough to encapsulate what makes an entire series special (especially one with over a decade's history) in a single two-hour episode but they somehow managed to do it in a restrained, classy way.

Next year, ABC will face a similar challenge when they have to close out Lost. The pressure is really going to be on there since people are actually still watching that show and its rabid, cult fanbase expect only the best, as they should. Besides being a drama that's run for far shorter a time, the rules are also way different for sending it off. You have to wonder if anything they deliver could possibly meet expectations. And that's why these finales are so tricky. With apologies to Ben McKenzie, something tells me 15 years from now families won't be gathered around the TV watching the final episode of Wells' new cop drama Southland, the show "replacing" E.R. The constant promos clobbering us with hype for that upcoming series may have been the only black mark on an otherwise stellar presentation from NBC.

The episode made me consider whether E.R. really needed to go away. Did it really drop THAT MUCH in quality or did we just take it for granted? It's always been one of the shows that if you were flipping through the channels you'd keep watching because you knew it was at least smart and always technically sound. That's a lot more than you can say for most other shows on the air right now. That the finale actually had me asking myself this question speaks to how well it was executed. Because of this more will be willing to overlook the fact that the series stayed past its expiration date and embrace its legacy. I never thought it was THAT influential a program, but now I'm not so sure. But it should have ended. The timing was right and the final show confirmed it in a way we wish all shows could. 15 years IS a long time, but there's something to be said for going out on top.

Christian Bale and I Are Done Professionally

This has to be heard to be believed. This week TMZ released the audio of Christian Bale's nearly four minute (!) profanity laced tirade on the set of Terminator: Salvation apparently caused when director of photography Shane Hurlbut walked onset and ruined an important scene between him and Bryce Dallas Howard. Bale's behavior is reprehensible for sure but I'll tell you what's even more reprehensible: Some people actually attempting to defend it. Over the past couple of days I've heard the following excuses:

- He's "very serious about his craft."
- His concentration can't be broken
- If you've never acted you "just don't understand."
- It was the most pivotal, emotional scene in the film.
- He was distraught over Heath's death.
- It was taken "out of context"
- McG is the director
- The set was unprofessional.
- Hurlbut should have known better. He's been in the business for 20 years

And here's my personal favorite, a real keeper from Whoopi Goldberg:

"We don't know if this is at the end of the day. We don't know how many hours he's been working. And it's tough."

I have a better explanation: Bale is a douchebag. Can you imagine if any of us pulled something like that on the job? Woe is him. Must be tough for an A-List superstar actor raking in millions of dollars a year to have to tolerate a crew member making an honest mistake. I'm sure he's never blown a take before. Not surprisingly, The Dark Knight fanboys have also come out of the woodwork defending him on the basis that he just must have been so used to dealing with the highest level of professionalism on Christopher Nolan's set. What a joke. Nolan's set could have been a complete disaster for all we know

It won't be long now before Bale issues some kind of public apology through his publicist or something. Except treating people like this isn't a "mistake." This guy needs serious help for his rage issues. And before producers convince themselves Bale is worth all the aggravation they should ask themselves just how much he really contributed to The Dark Knight's commercial success. I'd say very little to nothing. He was merely adequate in the film, and you could even reasonably argue the weakest link. Clooney could have reprised the role and it probably would have made just as much money.

Sure, Bale's a great actor but I wouldn't blame anyone in the industry if they didn't want to work with guy ever again. But they will because he's (falsely) perceived as being "bankable." And who Bale should really be cursing out is his agent for letting him star in a Terminator sequel directed by McG. Now that's a tape I'd want to hear.

Cool shirt though.

Veronica Mars Movie Kind of Confirmed

How did I miss this? Sometime in the past two weeks the rumored Veronica Mars movie was confirmed by series creator Rob Thomas. Of course, knowing how these things work I'll believe that when it's actually in production (I mean just look at how long Michael Cera has held up the Arrested Development movie). But what's most surprising is that he's writing it now and has started to leak vague clues about the plot.

"...it's 70 percent broken in my head, I've been struggling with this one plot point and I'm hopeful to figure that out....I'm feeling like I'm on the right track now. But I don't want to give that away yet."

"The one thing that I will say is where it will pick up. "I know we did that F.B.I. ‘what if’ thing, but we would not go to that place. I think it would open just days before the Hearst College Graduation. So Veronica would be sort of at the end of her college career."

Well, at least it doesn't involve the F.B.I. That's a relief. But this isn't enough information to go on yet as far as any indication of the film's prospects. The first season of the show is the greatest piece of television I've ever seen, the second is just a notch below that and the third was castrated by the CW network, resulting in a creatively mixed bag that could only really be enjoyed as a guilty pleasure. So what next?

The show didn't soar off the air at the heights it truly deserved and the shift from high school to the college setting had a lot to do with that. Thomas' decision to set this during Veronica's final college days is a curious one and it'll be interesting to see how he handles that. But what he needs to do right now is plant himself in front of the TV and study season 1 very, very hard. And he should READ THIS. Still, any excuse to see the love of my life Kristen Bell onscreen in anything is fine by me and I'm thrilled to see my favorite show get a chance at potentially gaining more fans. Thomas just better not screw this up...and he better have Ken Marino and Harry Hamlin on speed dial.

Source: IF Magazine

AskMen.com Reveals Their 99 Most Desirable Women of 2009 (Could Be Worse)

The folks over at AskMen.com have recently revealed their 99 "Most Desirable Women of 2009" list. A little early for sure, but I say it's never too early to start doing research on a topic as important as this. I've given up examining the rankings and just chalk it up as a victory if a favorite of mine even makes it on. Recently, my good friend d$mania of The Money Pit and I compiled dueling 2008 lists and I guested on his podcast to discuss and compare. During said appearance I didn't really come off too well, mainly because I revealed myself to be pretty shallow and superficial. In other words, I represented myself accurately. He took the high road and I took the low road, but it made for an interesting convo because we approached it from completely different perspectives. Anyway AskMen's is better than Maxim's or FHM's I'll at least give it that.

1. Eva Mendes (Hot no doubt but can't think of anything about her that screams out "#1")
2. Megan Fox
3. Marisa Miller
4. Keeley Hazell
5. Anne Hathaway (no thanks)
6. Alessandra Ambrosio
7. Scarlett Johansson (in her typical overrated top 10 spot)
8. Rihanna
9. Kristen Bell (YAY!!!!)
10. Kate Beckinsale
11. Heidi Klum
12. Emmanuelle Chriqui
13. Halle Berry (approve)
14. Brooke Burke
15. Jessica Alba (I'm still waiting for that list with enough guts to exclude her)
16. Jessica Biel
17. Selita Ebanks (who?)
18. Monica Bellucci
19. Adriana Lima
20. Cheryl Cole
21. Doutzen Kroes (Again....who?)
22. Evangeline Lilly
23. Lucy Pinder
24. Bianca Beauchamp (Okay, this is getting tiresome)
25. Penelope Cruz
26. Charlize Theron
27. Mila Kunis
28. Gisele Bundchen (More model nonsense. Whose list is this, AskMen's or DiCaprio's?)
29. Keira Knightley
30. Olga Kurylenko
31. Isla Fisher
32. Misa Campo
33. Denise Milani
34. Bar Rafaeli
35. Christina Aguilera (she runs hot and cold)
36. Summer Glau
37. Layla Kayleigh
38. Katy Perry (came thisclose to making mine)
39. Stacy Keibler
40. Odette Yustman
41. Hayden Panettiere
42. Angelina Jolie
43. Zoe Saldana
44. Sara Varone
45. Eva Longoria
46. Miranda Kerr
47. Carrie Underwood
48. Katrina Kaif
49. Karolina Kurkova
50. Beyonce
51. Christina Applegate
52. Christina Hendricks
53. Paz Vega
54. Leighton Meester
55. Maria Menounos
56. Elisabeth Hasselbeck (Gutsy pick)
57. Taylor Swift
58. Emily Blunt
59. Blake Lively
60. Aishwarya Rai
61. Vanessa Hudgens
62. Olivia Munn
63. Dania Ramirez
64. Katharine Mcphee
65. Nicole Scherzinger
66. Holly Weber
67. Camilla Belle
68. Audrina Patridge
69. Julianne Hough
70. Jessica Simpson (before or after the infamous Chili cook-off appearance?)
71. Anna Paquin
72. Yunjim Kim
73. Gina Carano
74. M.I.A.
75. Danielle Bux
76. Carla Bruni
77. Cassie
78. Anna Faris
79. Aubrey O’Day
80. Naomi Watts (YES!)
81. Katherine Heigl
82. Jade Raymond
83. Maria Sharapova
84. Carolyn Murphy
85. Sarah Shahi
86. Leryn Franco
87. Torrie Wilson (huh? Is she even still alive?)
88. Leona Lewis
89. Nadine Velasquez
90. Britney Spears
91. Danica Patrick
92. Alicia Keys
93. Emma Stone
94. Sophie Monk
95. Elizabeth Banks (Top 10 for me. The total package.)
96. Ana Ivanovic
97. Tina Fey
98. January Jones
99. Kate Winslet (at least they tried to give their list "prestige")

So Now Mickey Rourke ISN'T Competing at Wrestlemania (I Think)

"This guy could headline Wrestlemania right now."

-Me, in my review of The Wrestler

Whoa...hold up. Okay, he was amazing in the part but I didn't mean he should LITERALLY headline Wrestlemania. Well, it looks like saner heads prevailed and Rourke's proposed match with Chris Jericho won't be happening....or is it? Who knows? It was already off to a shaky start when Rourke blew the big surprise on the red carpet of the SAG awards, but now it looks like his people are finally doing their jobs, coming to the realization that this fiasco could cost him the Oscar (if it hasn't already) or worse, deride his career comeback. Or Rourke has been told to deny it until after the Oscar ballots are in.

The only person who stands to benefit from this match is Vince McMahon, who deserves credit for at least finally acknowledging and promoting The Wrestler, even if his motives are suspect. Sorry, I still don't buy recent reports that he was "moved" by the film. Moved to vomit maybe. Besides, you know Vince would idiotically have him wrestle as "Mickey Rourke" instead of Randy "The Ram" Robinson. Who wants to see that? If that's not enough, rumors of overrated has-been Ric Flair's involvement as Mickey's trainer (ugh) should immediately qualify it as a must-miss. They should even the sides and have Ernest Miller (as The Ayatollah) in Jericho's corner. You'd have The Ayatollah and the "The Ayatollah of Rock n' Rolla"

The bottomline is these Wrestlemania rumors don't help Mickey's Oscar chances at all and he's come too far to let something like this derail him. Hopefully he's come to his senses. If not, the only other way he can win the Best Actor statue is if Vince signs a "Castro Street Fight" between these two (and I wouldn't put it past him):

I Want This Video Game

I was never really good at video games. Still not. But here's a game I'd definitely buy...if it existed. Which begs the question: Why doesn't Nintendo just get on with it already and re-release the 8-Bit system with new games? You know everyone wants it. If they ever did, this title should be at the top of their list. Whoever created it clearly has serious skills. Now all we need is someone to hit that "START" button.




Source: /Film

Top 50 Women of 2008

Wow, this was tough. I mean really, really hard. I've only ever bothered to do a top 10 and have never even attempted to rank as many as 50 before. That number is really stretching it and to be honest I think the top 3 or 4 are in an entirely different league than everybody else, and since I don't even think there are 50 deserving of this honor there are some choices at the bottom I'm not crazy about. I did the best I could. Of course, these rankings are extremely subjective and far from a perfect science. I'm sure if you asked a million different guys you'd get a million different lists. Here were the criteria for making it:

1. Looks. That's pretty self-explanatory and really the only concrete thing to go on. I tried to exclude women who just "have their moments" every once in a while. But how HOT are they? Another smaller part of that equation depends on some...

2. Mitigating Factors. This is trickier to put a finger on but it's just the overall vibe I get from them. It's sort of ridiculous since we don't actually KNOW these women personality-wise at all but everyone has a "type" and I think I have enough information to go on. I've also taken into account anything that may have increased or decreased their overall attractiveness in the past year. This isn't a talent competition or a popularity contest but to dismiss either of those as at least small factors is foolish. It tends to help if the celebrity doesn't repulse me, or better yet, I actually kind of like them (though that isn't even a prerequisite in some cases).

3. Exposure. The more you're seen the better chance you have of making it. It's that simple. Some choices are so strong they don't need much exposure at all. Others do. While it's possible to coast on past glory, it can only take you so far. Fame is fleeting, as is a good position on this list. On the flip side, overexposure and the media shoving an undeserving celebrity down my throat as god's gift to the hottie universe can't help either (cough Alba cough).

I think my list is differs from most. Looking at it anyone who doesn't know me could still tell I was brutally honest to a fault. And it's all over the map. I have celebrities both older and younger. Some big names and other lesser known ones. Some hated, some loved. I was less concerned about whether they had a good year than just making the best choices. It was tough because a lot of my favorites just kind of faded away in the past year and there was really no one there to step up and take their places. This resulted in many top choices of mine falling hard and others who hadn't seen the list for years returning to my good graces.

The good news is that there were a few fresh faces that really stepped up to the plate to make a huge splash on my hottie radar and they were rewarded accordingly. Two of whom ascended to the highest level and are knocking very hard on the door of my current #1, who's still sitting comfortably...for now. They say a list like like this can reveal a lot about someone so I should probably be afraid what this one says about me. I added comments on the selections that I wanted to say something about because they were a new entry or just felt like elaborating on.

50. Kate Bosworth























49. Alexis Bledel






















48. Jenny Lewis






















47. Elisha Cuthbert






















46. Heather Graham






















45. Bryce Dallas Howard













44. Schuyler Fisk





















43. Jennie Garth















42. Robin Tunney



























41. Marg Helgenberger






















40. Dido-I'm breaking the rules on this since she's been M.I.A. for the better part of 5 years. Don't care. Love her and she had to be included. Criminally underrated. It scares me to think how high she'd be if I actually saw her every once in a while.






















39. Julie Benz






















38. Minka Kelly






















37. Jessica Alba-zzzzzzzzzzz...oh I'm sorry I just fell asleep at the boring predictability of this pick. No, she shouldn't be ranked higher. This seems just fine. In her defense she is VERY hot and it's not her fault she's overexposed and overrrated.

















36. Britney Spears- Am I forgiving or what? Not really, because she's one of those who can get away with a lot and still make a list like this. Still, her 2007 downfall was horrific, even for her. 2008 was much better. I still think she should actually make a comeback instead of the media fabricating one for her and is a FAR CRY looks-wise from what she used to be but anyone who says they'd kick her out of bed is kidding themselves.






















35. Scarlett Johannson- Overrated, but not as overrated as Alba. I'll give her credit for at least being sexier than Jessica that's for sure.

















34. Angelina Jolie- I'm not a fan of her saintly persona and yes she's massively overrated. But saying there are 50 celebrities better looking is a lie. My only serious issue with her recently was that she was looking skinny. Now that she put back on the weight all is good and she returns to the list.






















33. Charlize Theron- It took THIS LONG for me to get over Monster and finally be able to find her hot again.






















32. Ali Larter






















31. Shannyn Sossamon





















30. Amy Adams






















29. Keri Russell






















28. Gwyneth Paltrow






















27. Selma Blair






















26. Joss Stone

















25. Cameron Diaz






















24. Malin Akerman






















23. Kirsten Dunst






















22. Evan Rachel Wood






















21. Rosario Dawson


















20. Hayden Panetierre














19. Kate Hudson


















18. Kelly Clarkson-Once occupied the top spot. Dropping off the face of the Earth in '08 accounts for this underwhelming ranking (and not looking that great in the few photos I've seen of her). When she decides to end her self-imposed exile an automatic free ride back to the top 10 will NOT be happening. Just the idea of her even competing with my top 3 right now is a joke. She'll have to earn it.






















17. Julianne Moore






















16. Reese Witherspoon






















15. Jennifer Connelly















14. Halle Berry

















13. Naomi Watts






















12. Nicole Kidman






















11. Mary Elizabeth Winstead- A potential future #1. Just wish we saw more of her.






















10. Jewel- I've resigned myself to the fact that I see something in her that no one else does. I've given up trying to convert anyone.






















9. Rachel Bilson

















8. Elizabeth Banks- This chick is everywhere! I don't think there was a movie this year she WASN'T in. The more I saw of her the more I liked. I'm still not sure of the exact moment when she turned the corner in my eyes and became one of the ten most beautiful women in the world.






















7. Blake Lively






















6. Megan Fox-The only pick on this list who gets by on 100% scorching hotness and NOTHING ELSE. I can't name a single other redeeming thing about her. It's the shallowest, most superficial selection imaginable. But I don't have a problem with that at all.

















5. Sarah Lancaster






















4. Mandy Moore






















3. Lauren Conrad-I know it's wrong. I tried to fight it. No use. Part of me wanted to rank her higher but looking at the top 2 that's just not possible. Easily the most controversial choice on here I'm sure.






















2. Zooey Deschanel-While I've always been a fan it took me a while to see see that what makes her so hot is that she doesn't need to try to be. She has a special something that far transcends looks and I can't even explain what it is because no one else has it. Some girls on this list are just plain hot. Others are beautiful. She's the only one whose marryable (is that a word?) I heard she just got engaged. Excuse me while I cry, then throw things.






















1. Kristen Bell- The total package. It's hard to believe just a couple of years ago I didn't dig her at all. How wrong I was. She retains her #1 status.